| Everything old is new again. |
[May. 29th, 2006|06:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My girl in the kitchen, making dinner with love. | ] |
Lots and lots has happened since last I posted here (has it really been since October 05?). You may think I got lost in the bowels of MySpace, but fortunately I have resisted the temptation to join the masses there (so far). I just don't post enough to warrant more than one cyber identity at a time. But with the ongoing preparations for Burning Man, and my ever insatiable appetite for twisted behavior, it seemed a good time to resurrect things here. So, gentle people, hide your wives and daughters, I'm back! |
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| Home, at last |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|08:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | morning news | ] |
Ok, so...we found an apartment. It was not exactly what My Love had in mind, but it seems to be growing on her. A ton of work has to be done to make it acceptable but we are well on our way. First off, we had to hire a cleaning crew to overhaul the place. They did a passable job; just good enough to help with the second impressions as we lugged our belongings in after a tumultuous move. Second, we are painting just about everything inside: living room, kitchen, bedrooms, hallway. Third, we have to re-grout the entire bathroom. Ug. Finally, there are only 1.5 closets in the whole place (the .5 is a makeshift under-stairwell cubby), so eventually something will need to be constructed in our bedroom. Add to that a slew of little repair tidbits that add up to a lot of at-home overtime: ceiling fans, light switch covers, under cabinet lighting, trim work, hole repair (which My Love has taken to with great fervor)...the list goes on and on.
Though a lot has to go into it, and there is a fair amount it doesn't have, there is a lot going for this place: the master bedroom and living room are quite large by not just NY standards, there is a bay window, 9 foot ceilings, and a beday (sp?) in the bathroom (I don't know if this is a feature or a novelty, but we have one). The kitchen is spacious with lots of counter space, a dishwasher, recessed lighting, filtered water and ice dispensers on the fridge door (I need to replace the filter), and some nice little touches like a built in lazy susan, slide out shelves, and a bread drawer. There is a backyard. One more time...there is a backyard! It is not a grassy backyard, just an outdoor space off the kitchen, but anyone who has lived in NY knows how crushing the city can be and the benefits of being able to go outside without immediately hitting sidewalk is hard to quantify. Not only that, but there is a deck, picnic table, gas grill, swimming pool and storage shed. I am not a big water person, but I like saying we have a pool just to watch the reactions of my buddies who I know long for a full bathtub. I wonder how many items I will be fishing out of it next summer thanks to jealous neighbors. Our landlord, and her maintenance man are wonderful (aren't they all at first?) They made their rules clear - pay rent by the first of the month and they don't care what we do. I put this to the test when I borrowed a drill from them and began to drive holes through the kitchen cabinets. Thankfully, they didn't flinch. The best thing about this place, though, is my roommate, My Love, my girlfriend, my partner in crime. I find myself walking faster and faster as I get closer to our front door. I can not describe how happy I am as I walk in and hear her say "welcome home".
Once the projects are done, the furniture is in, and we have figured out what channel Blind Date is on, we can get down to the day to day adventure of living with one's significant other. This is a first for My Love, and an exercise in letting go of past experiences for me. Of course there will be trials and tribulations, but I am looking forward to discovering, and conquering, them together with My Darling. I have said it before, and will say it many, many more times: I am so blessed. |
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| The Search Continues |
[Sep. 17th, 2005|03:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Monkees (don't ask) | ] |
Still looking for an apartment...and the clock is ticking. The search criteria gain width with every passing hour, and a sliver of my idyllic love grotto a la Hefner fantasy fades away. *sigh*
Yeah, apartment hunting sucks, but what has been startling me these past few days is the enormous amount of pressure I feel about finding the right place. I mean, unreasonable ammounts of pressure coming from unknown places. While I'm busy skitzing out, one of the voices in my head keeps saying "Dude, what the fuck? You've handled worse in your day. We've been in tighter spots! Remember Paris? Zurich? West Covina? Pull yourself together Man! *bitch slaps the wuss voice inside my head, cowering in the corner* I know the right place will fall out of the sky in the final thows, as always seems the case, but I'm in a sucky place these days. *deep exhale* Woooosah.
In other news,
wait, there is no other news. That is, nothing the two of you who see this don't already know. I had an absolute blast at the B.B. King concert and think of it often (it's a current "happy place"). The concert choice may have been more for my benefit than for my birthday girl's! Seeing him perform was high on the must-do-before-I (or they)-die list, and the company I got to be with made it a life long memory I will always treasure. *Gooshy smile*
Work is good, but relentless. I passed the what the hell is going stage, ended the Ok, we are going to do it like this stage, and am now finishing smoothing out the way the day to day stuff happens (this is kind of an ongoing thing), and am trying to figure out the right direction for the near future (and, oh, yeah, how does all this add up for the distant future?). I'm still on schedule to take over the universe.
The girl is amazing, as always. I was always told that in a relationship only one person is allowed to be insane at a time. My love is doing a remarkable job of being the sane one while I cartwheel through the padded hall. We have been together about nine months now. I love her more every day. I am in no way as good to her as she is to me! Or for me, for that matter. I had better start being nice to her. |
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| Gimme Shelter |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|09:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rumba on one side, Swing on the other | ] |
So I've been searching for a new apartment for my love and I. Of course apartment shopping is rarely fun, but I can't believe how grueling it has been. I have lost count how many times I've moved and had to go through the search process in my life, but this is definately one of the worst experiences I've had. I guess it's a New York thing (though this will be my 3rd New York apartment, this time seems especially tough)
It's not just the fact that most NY apartments are small and expensive, that part I am familiar with, but I can't believe how many landlords blatently misrepresent their places. The other day I saw a newly renovated apartment...if you can consider new tile installed 8 years ago as "newly renovated", that is. What strikes me most is how many landlords ask the standard questions, get your info to run a credit check, and then say "I don't want any trouble". Really, you don't? You mean you are not looking for a tenant that sells pcp to eight year olds out the front door? You don't want that imported-direct-from-taiwan prostitution ring and opium den set up in the living room? But then what am I supposed to do with my well organized white slavery business? Has any landlord ever said to any applicant "I don't want trouble" only to have the applicant say, "oh, well, I won't waste your time then. Thank you for your honesty, but I am strictly about trouble and am looking for a landlord who wants me to only rarely pay the rent, always late, of course, and randomly punch holes in the drywall whenever I am in a bad mood or on a bender, which is often" I don't think so. But if you hear of this guy, and he has a 2 bedroom for rent, let me know. |
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| *sigh* |
[Sep. 1st, 2005|10:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Roommate's TV on 11. | ] |
After having not posted for more than a month, I just spent the last hour rambling on about whatever in what was going to be the greatest stream of consciousness live-journal post of all time! My genius would have astounded the highest minds, humbling free thinkers across the land!
While typing notations on the fourth chapter of the third tome, my palm brushed across the computer's trackpad, launching a series of rapid selections, hurling my browser farther and farther from my impromptu compendium. I tried to navigate my way back as quickly as possible, but it was too late. It, the It that is That, the tool for evil for They that is Them, ate my journal post.
There was a song. And a dream. And a haiku. And a vague cry for love and attention and comfort.
I want my woobie. |
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| Sometimes it just spills out around 4am |
[Jul. 25th, 2005|04:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Insomnia without her | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the whirring fan | ] |
I've been away but I'm around
Stressed and distant, true
But the wheels that spin will gain us ground
In the end it's just me and you
Dice will roll and knuckles white
In games some lofty some base
But there's no risk at all on distant nights
When I'm far from your grace
The wild days are behind me and
Now I'm clutching yesterdays
When we find ourselves hand in hand
In naughty wicked play
This too shall pass and time march on
Despite all that we do
In our old age we'll on memories fawn
But in the end it's just me and you |
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| Insomnia, my old friend |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|04:16 am] |
4:15 am and I still can't sleep. Got a double ahead of me tomorrow and a stack of paper work that stresses me. I miss my girl. I get the best night's sleep when she is in my arms, her head on my shoulder, hand on my chest. Though I have always been a cuddly person, I liked my space when I slept. Until I met my love, that is. Perhaps this will fade in time but for now I can't imagine being in bed with her without at least our feet touching. Of course, it is so hot in my non-airconditioned, poorly ventalated loft space cubby hole thingy that being skin on skin might not be the most condusive to sleeping. OK, maybe that has nothing to do with the heat as much as the fact that I don't get much sleep when we are skin on skin anyway : P Still, I wish she were here. Counting the days.
Mental note: don't forget the way you feel right now, how much you miss her, when we are well used to sleeping with each other, with being under the same roof. It is too easy to take for granted those things that matter most when we have been blessed for so long with them in our lives. You have waited and hoped and dreamed your whole life for a love as pure as this, for a woman this remarkable, never thinking it, she, truly existed. Don't fuck it up by forgetting that such things fade and vanish if not cared and nutured. This woman deserves the world. Give it to her! |
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| Throwing open the curtains |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  masturbatory | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay | ] |
Knowing that in these humble beginnings I have an audience of one, a dear one, I find myself mentally editing what I might log here. Not to say that I delete potential entries due to the subject, but instead over substance, style, and presentation. Perhaps these cautions prevent the free flow of thought for which I imagined I would use this forum. Even now I find myself editing for proper grammar (though probably not enough for spelling, the tell tale sign of a half assed education). Truth be told, I know I fear what thoughts may spill out of me. There is value in recording the fleeting moments for further evaluation, but some are best left fleeting. We are less likely to scar from an unpicked wound. Moreover, scratch at a harmless tickle and a wound may develop. What to do then?
I choose to let the thoughts flow as they come and hope that those, if any, who see my nakedness will be kind in deciding what to admire, what to laugh at, and what to ignore.
All that having been said, should I be concerened that my only thought is that I want a cigarette? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|12:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
This is a test!
Links
work
Bold
Bold Word
Italic
Italic Word
Now that that is done...
last night I had the best sex of my life. This is not the first time my darling has given me the best sex of my life...how does she keep topping the time before? Amazing. |
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| Saturday |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|12:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | her soft laughter | ] |
We went to the club last night. It was a thin crowd but an interesting mix, as always. Her ex was there but I felt no angst. He and I shook hands, an effort on his part I think to signal that he has no issue, which I appreciate. He and I will never be friends, but perhaps there will be a mutual respect for us each having such extraordinary taste in women. She and I danced a bit which is a rarity for me, but I love that she loved that I did. Many of the usual cast of characters flowed by, dropping sound bites of what was new in each of their lives. I was happy to see and re-meet familiar faces, except for one. Had it not been for the drinks, my surprise at seeing him, and maybe the fact that he weighs a solid 40 pounds more than I do, I would have punched him. Not that that is really in my nature (any more...I was a real scrapper in a previous existence), but knowing that I befriended and had intimate moments with someone who I later discovered hit his girlfriend infuriated me. As much as anything I am upset that my usually good judge of character was absent when we met. As it was I stood propped up against the wall, swaying from too many ciders in too short a time, and glared with as much menace as I could muster. Later he came up to me a second time, humility in his voice, and asked that I not judge him, expressed that he knew he fucked up, and that it would never happen again. I was at a loss. I believe some things never change: once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, once a cheater, always a cheater, and once an abuser, always an abuser. But I couldn't find my anger in that instant. Instead I found guilt, because I wanted to be his friend. I can't be, of course, but I wanted to.
When we got home we shared a glass of wine and cheese. She straddled me on the couch and we declared our love for each other once again, a daily, sometimes hourly, exchange I hope we continue our whole lives. She wore lingerie to bed, though we were both too tire to toss it to the floor. Setting her pajamas aside for a night, she wore satin for my enjoyment. She never ceases to amaze me.
In the mid afternoon we went to the gym together. I have not been to the gym since college, oh so many years ago. I was relieved that I could keep up with her normal workout, but now my body is complaining at me. I'll consider working out on a more normal basis once I finish my cigarette.
Other than the gym and the club, our day was rather mellow. I love these "normal" days with her, running errands, feeding the cats, lounging on a lazy Saturday. It is difficult not to compare what we have to previous experiences of mine because it is so easy to see how this is superior in every way.
On an unrelated note, I was told that an event I promote for work up in NY was a raging success despite (or maybe because of : P) my absence. I was a little nervous leaving Izzy in charge for the first time, but she did a great job. This is doubly good news since I picked her to be trained in all aspects of the company despite her not having any real work experience. I followed my gut when selecting her and it seems I did not make an error, much to my relief. Sadly, I think some staffers suspect me of having an affair with Izzy because we spend so much time together. I don't care about what people think of me, but I am sad that such an assumption could effect Izzy's work relations, or worse, reflect poorly in any way on my one true love in DC. The unstated accusation found in squinted looks makes me naucious. I don't know how to handle this. Oh well, fuck em. |
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| Let the story begin... |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|11:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thankful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No Doubt, Tragic Kingdom | ] |
We met six months ago today at a New Years Eve after party. We talked well into the morning. Love at first sight exists. So does knowing the instant you meet them that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone. When we parted company that first day, me for my apartment out in Brooklyn and her to Washington DC, I was curious how we were going to manage a two city romance. There was a fleeting thought that the excitement of possible romance was just part of a one time encounter I should file away in the happy-memory bin. As quickly as it came the thought dissolved away, revealing my future. My mind's map of life shifted quickly, but the traveling party was set. I cautiously offered my heart which she gently accepted and now feeds, cares for, and nurtures. She gave me hers as well, full of strength and wrapped in surrender. All forms of electronica keep us in contact and we are in each other's arms a couple times a month. In September she will move to New York, sacrificing much that we can be together.
After countless examples I'm still in awe of how much kindness and love pours out of her. Her beauty is undeniable but she doesn't seem to notice when the heads turn. She is smarter than most of the people in the room most of the time but doesn't believe it. She is creative and talented but sloughs off compliments about her ability. Words fall tragically short of describing her or how I feel. I hope our shared experiences, and their record here, will provide a glimmer for those around us. I wish for everyone the amount of joy I have in my life. |
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